Not sure where to start and if it makes sense I’ll be even more amazed.
Why can’t we start all over from scratch with the knowledge we gained through the years ??? put it right
So emotions I’m split 70/30% most weeks with my MOOD, I’m find it difficult to get motivated some days however much drive I’ve got ! I must say I’ve lost a lot in the last 5 to 10 years. i refer to my cricket I’m quiet happy practicing the sport than actually playing it which would have been totally unheard of 15 years ago.
I still have no control over my emotions and probably never will by the looks of it, some days I feel it might be best if I wasn’t here any longer or at least as far away as possible. Were only a number I’m not sure I’ll be missed but then I look into my little boys eyes and for a short while I smile and my mind takes a different outlook.
My wife is a great support and to be fair takes all my sh%t and turns into a positive somehow maybe that’s why were together so she can NURSE me through it all, I no longer claim to be a strong man emotionally, in fact I’m quiet weak.
So as a team it works well even with my lack of drive and inner negative thoughts, I’m glad I found cycling that seems to be my release for sure. People look at me gone out when I tell them I just want to ride my bike and not be competitive or race but I think if I finally go that direction the fun & stress free leisure time will be lost.
Don’t get me wrong I’ll happily ride a sportive, thrash around with strave KOM segment in mind and drive myself hard to get better but NOT get involved in leagues and pressure !!!!!
I Don’t do gifts I also hate spending money !! and I hate it being spent on me. I hate hand outs and people who simply milk the system and give nothing back in life. (deep down its nice getting stuff, I just don’t show it well)
All I need a shack at the bottom of a smooth tarmac road below a steady 7-8% climb and the internet and youtube 🙂 oh and the family to keep me going 🙂
As always I’m sharing my thoughts mainly to remove them from my head and get them down on paper 🙂
#ProblemSharedIsAProblemhalved / Solved – I guess more new resolutions for 2015 on there way 🙂
Have a good holiday period, stay safe be happy
PHEW breathe again 🙂 hard when your nackered and have a damn cold !